My mother was shocked too when I started setting boundaries with her...she didn't explicitly say it, but I could feel it. Then I had to tell her why I needed to set it and we've never looked back. Yes there are times that expectations mismatch. But it's so much better now! Parents cannot expect to build resilient kids and then get offended when the kids are resilient back to them, right?
Kudos to you for holding space for your daughter sherry! So so proud of you!
Thank you my friend. Yes, it was a shock and then a humility and then a proud mama. She did what I couldn't do for myself growing up and what I have always taught her to do. I just didn't know it would be exercised on me! 😂 Seriously though, it was a proud mama moment after the initial jolt. 💕
One of the hardest parts of parenting is letting the kids go so that they can prove that they listened to you all those years and can do all the things you taught them - without you. Ugh. so hard (says the childless mother).
I love you for this post Sherry. the writing is raw, honest, and so real!
Love this convo, Sherry. As a mom of 5 I feel you !
Wanted to mention something that stood out to me - you said 'I can be put in time out seat by my own kids'. Though it's a cute sentence, I wonder what's behind it? Do you see boundaries as punishment? Because implying you were 'put in time out' implies some punitive aspect to the boundary.
After all, wasn't your daughter just taking the space she needed from the conversation? So if you felt 'punished in time out' that's a beautiful opportunity to deepen that exploration and see where it comes from... or at least that's what I would do with it for myself , but then again I'm a Soul Surgeon and I LOVE looking deeply into my 'stuff' lol
As a mom of 5 I often say that mothering has been/ and continues to be my spiritual path. I get to see myself most clearly through my kids and these deep and vulnerable relationships. So grateful for all of it - the good, the bad, and the beautifully ugly.
Thanks for sharing so openly, Sherry, we all benefit from it.
Thank so much for your comment. It really came as a surprise and invitation for me to dive a bit deep on that as I hadn't even noticed that in that statement. I'm all about the deep dives these days so thank you for sharing your insight! I love that you say that “mothering has been/ and continues to be my spiritual path. I get to see myself most clearly through my kids and these deep and vulnerable relationships.” I agree with that 100 percent as I always wanted to be another and have learned the most about myself through them and with them. They have been and continue to be my biggest teachers. I am going to sit with your question and swing back to you in a private DM if you don't mind. 😉
Kudos, Sherry!! It sounds like you're a great mom!
Boundaries.
Back in the 90s when I was first learning about boundaries, my friends called me Boundry Boy. LOL. As you know, when you grow up in an environment where there are no good boundaries, we not only do not know how to set them -- but we don't even know what the heck they are. And when we first learn to set them, we tend to overdo it a bit.
So, I, just learning about boundaries and how to set them, tended to go overboard -- and I did that with everyone in my life. I mean... it has to be expected. It's a learning phase. I can laugh at it now, and the fact that my friends called Boundary Boy, but it was a challenging period.
Being on the other side of it, I can much more easily not take it "personally." I can see it for what it is -- "someone learning how to establish and set boundaries."
I'm really proud for you for your ability to step back and see the situation for what it actually was.
It sounds like you handled it very well! And you are building a new trust with her that might not have been there before.
My feeling on the whole thing: what you did is a BIG deal, and it deserves a Dat a girl! Doing stuff like this is what makes relationships stronger, richer, and better. Because it's not "if" shit happens, it's "when" shit happens -- how do we deal with it. Again -- your daughter has a great mom!
Thank you so much Eddie for your generous and kind words. My kids teach me so much. I think you have a story there with your Boundary Boy season of life. 💞
I love so many things about this story. How your daughter was able to set a clear boundary. How you held her in so much love. It made me think about how I mother and how I can hold more space for my child instead of worrying so much. Thank you. 💗
Love this, Sherry! What a surprise when we raise up children to become independent then they go and be independent! What?! One of my biggest challenges came through having an adult son who still lives with us. Somehow it was easy to let the ones who left go be adults, but treating the one who is at home as a fellow adult was an exercise in breaking habits of mothering children. I'm grateful that he was kind, gentle, AND persistent in maintaining his "I'm an adult" boundaries through the process!
With you in solidarity Kyle!! Sounds to me like you guys raised them well! For him to express that is a testament to your parenting. We have to take those brownie points when we can right!? Parenting not an easy thing for anyone!
I enjoyed having a peek into your interaction with your daughter, Sherry. After reading her message, I appreciate your transparency about your feelings and sharing what unfolded between you. It's real and lovely, and your voice came through. :o)
My mother was shocked too when I started setting boundaries with her...she didn't explicitly say it, but I could feel it. Then I had to tell her why I needed to set it and we've never looked back. Yes there are times that expectations mismatch. But it's so much better now! Parents cannot expect to build resilient kids and then get offended when the kids are resilient back to them, right?
Kudos to you for holding space for your daughter sherry! So so proud of you!
Thank you my friend. Yes, it was a shock and then a humility and then a proud mama. She did what I couldn't do for myself growing up and what I have always taught her to do. I just didn't know it would be exercised on me! 😂 Seriously though, it was a proud mama moment after the initial jolt. 💕
One of the hardest parts of parenting is letting the kids go so that they can prove that they listened to you all those years and can do all the things you taught them - without you. Ugh. so hard (says the childless mother).
I love you for this post Sherry. the writing is raw, honest, and so real!
Thank you Teri! Coming from you is received with such gratitude. You always shoot from the heart, childless mother or not..🫶
Love this convo, Sherry. As a mom of 5 I feel you !
Wanted to mention something that stood out to me - you said 'I can be put in time out seat by my own kids'. Though it's a cute sentence, I wonder what's behind it? Do you see boundaries as punishment? Because implying you were 'put in time out' implies some punitive aspect to the boundary.
After all, wasn't your daughter just taking the space she needed from the conversation? So if you felt 'punished in time out' that's a beautiful opportunity to deepen that exploration and see where it comes from... or at least that's what I would do with it for myself , but then again I'm a Soul Surgeon and I LOVE looking deeply into my 'stuff' lol
As a mom of 5 I often say that mothering has been/ and continues to be my spiritual path. I get to see myself most clearly through my kids and these deep and vulnerable relationships. So grateful for all of it - the good, the bad, and the beautifully ugly.
Thanks for sharing so openly, Sherry, we all benefit from it.
Thank so much for your comment. It really came as a surprise and invitation for me to dive a bit deep on that as I hadn't even noticed that in that statement. I'm all about the deep dives these days so thank you for sharing your insight! I love that you say that “mothering has been/ and continues to be my spiritual path. I get to see myself most clearly through my kids and these deep and vulnerable relationships.” I agree with that 100 percent as I always wanted to be another and have learned the most about myself through them and with them. They have been and continue to be my biggest teachers. I am going to sit with your question and swing back to you in a private DM if you don't mind. 😉
Thanks for receiving, Sherry.
Would love to know what comes up for you and happy to receive a DM 🥰👍
Both sides of boundaries - they can be difficult to set and challenging to receive. I appreciated getting to witness that in your story.
Kudos, Sherry!! It sounds like you're a great mom!
Boundaries.
Back in the 90s when I was first learning about boundaries, my friends called me Boundry Boy. LOL. As you know, when you grow up in an environment where there are no good boundaries, we not only do not know how to set them -- but we don't even know what the heck they are. And when we first learn to set them, we tend to overdo it a bit.
So, I, just learning about boundaries and how to set them, tended to go overboard -- and I did that with everyone in my life. I mean... it has to be expected. It's a learning phase. I can laugh at it now, and the fact that my friends called Boundary Boy, but it was a challenging period.
Being on the other side of it, I can much more easily not take it "personally." I can see it for what it is -- "someone learning how to establish and set boundaries."
I'm really proud for you for your ability to step back and see the situation for what it actually was.
It sounds like you handled it very well! And you are building a new trust with her that might not have been there before.
My feeling on the whole thing: what you did is a BIG deal, and it deserves a Dat a girl! Doing stuff like this is what makes relationships stronger, richer, and better. Because it's not "if" shit happens, it's "when" shit happens -- how do we deal with it. Again -- your daughter has a great mom!
Thank you so much Eddie for your generous and kind words. My kids teach me so much. I think you have a story there with your Boundary Boy season of life. 💞
What Eddie said. Nailed it.
I love so many things about this story. How your daughter was able to set a clear boundary. How you held her in so much love. It made me think about how I mother and how I can hold more space for my child instead of worrying so much. Thank you. 💗
Thank you so much Nicky. It was a good day for a mommy daughter teaching moment
Love this, Sherry! What a surprise when we raise up children to become independent then they go and be independent! What?! One of my biggest challenges came through having an adult son who still lives with us. Somehow it was easy to let the ones who left go be adults, but treating the one who is at home as a fellow adult was an exercise in breaking habits of mothering children. I'm grateful that he was kind, gentle, AND persistent in maintaining his "I'm an adult" boundaries through the process!
With you in solidarity Kyle!! Sounds to me like you guys raised them well! For him to express that is a testament to your parenting. We have to take those brownie points when we can right!? Parenting not an easy thing for anyone!
I enjoyed having a peek into your interaction with your daughter, Sherry. After reading her message, I appreciate your transparency about your feelings and sharing what unfolded between you. It's real and lovely, and your voice came through. :o)
Thank you, Ryan! 🫶