Cancel Plans then Eat a Hamburger and Fries

The gift of changing your mind.

I don’t know what was going on with me today; I was just feeling all the feels. And not the good kind. Like, anything my husband asked of me felt like he was inviting me to climb Mount Kilimanjaro in Crocs. Every little thing he said gnawed at my nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard. My body would recoil, and I had to actively resist the urge to throw a pillow at his head. (Sorry, not sorry.)

I think at one point I asked him to “Please stop talking”. (he thought it was cute)

Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

I felt like I was being tugged in every direction mentally, emotionally, spiritually and hormonally. I had a podcast interview scheduled with my dear friend

Jeannie Ewing

later that evening, which I was really looking forward to. And I had plans to attend the opening night of a new restaurant in our small little town. Two beautiful things. And yet… everything that was supposed to feel like joy was starting to feel like a chore.

As the day wore on, I found myself putting out fires, snapping at my husband, and rolling my eyes so hard at my son, who was just humming. As my father used to say to me when I rolled my eyes, “They are going to get stuck up in your head one day.” Well, today was that day.

Underneath it all, I could feel this resistance rising up in my body like a stubborn toddler refusing to be picked up. You know, when they throw their arms up in the air and slide right out of your hands. I didn’t want to do the interview today. I wanted to… but I also really didn’t. My body, mind, and spirit were staging a silent protest. And yet, I felt guilty. That good ol' “be a woman of your word” voice started chirping in my ear.

But here’s the truth. I didn’t know how to cancel without feeling like a flake. I wanted to honor myself, but I also wanted to honor Jeannie. I wanted us both to feel good about it.

So, as evening approached and my nervous system screamed “NOPE,” I took a breath and left Jeannie a voice note explaining everything. I think I deleted it three times trying to convince myself to suck it up chuck and pull through, like I always have done. But as I listened to my body, as I have been teaching myself to do, I could still feel the resistance. And a still small voice asking me, “What do you need?” and telling me not to abandon myself again, and if I need a break today, honor that.

So I committed to the fourth voice text hoping it would be met with grace and understanding telling her honestly, “I’m depleted. I want to give you my best, and today isn’t it”.

And guess what? She totally got it. In fact, she admitted she was secretly hoping I’d cancel because she was just as burnt out, brain-fried, and ready to crawl into a blanket burrito with a good book, and proceeded to thank me because she, too, struggles with pushing through with guilt instead of permitting herself to change her mind.

So that felt good, that choosing to honor myself helped someone else to honor themselves.

We laughed, we rescheduled, and my husband and son went to the opening to represent.

It was all easier than I made it out to be.

And you know what I did next?

I ordered a cheeseburger, with fries and a Coke. I sat my behind down, put on a mindless movie, ate that cheeseburger, and savored every single fry.

It was glorious!

Moral of the story?

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is cancel the thing, eat the burger, and give your nervous system a much needed break.

Soooo….

Go ahead. Honor yourself. Cancel something. Say no with zero guilt. And if you need a script, I’ve got you.

“Hey, I love you. But today I love me just a little bit more.”

Now go forth, queen. And order the burger and fries.

With warmth and wonder,

Sherry🦋