Am I a Girls Girl?

What does that mean anyways?

Being the new girl in town feels just like being the new kid at school—the awkwardness of seeing a group of cool girls chatting, unsure if you should approach. This happened to me over the weekend at a wine-tasting event hosted by a local café. I convinced my husband to come along because I didn’t want to go alone. Although I’d met many of the women since moving here a few months ago, I still needed a wingman. As an introvert, I knew my extroverted husband could cover for any awkward silences.

At first, he resisted. “You know I don’t like events like that,” he said. But I reminded him that he’d been pushing me to “get out there and make friends,” so this was me trying. After some convincing, he finally agreed.

We dressed in our best comfy-casual outfits and headed to the event. As we approached, we saw a makeshift bar outside, where people mingled on the back patio. The women were huddled together, laughing as if they were the only ones there. The men stood by the bar, and my husband immediately joined them, leaving me on my own. I suddenly wanted to disappear, maybe hide in the bathroom. I looked back and forth between the guys and the women and chose to stick with the men. They felt uncomplicated, safe, and welcoming—unlike the uncertainty of entering a group of women as the “new girl.”

Does that make me not a girls’ girl? There are many definitions of a girls' girl—one I found said it's a woman who supports others, isn’t petty or jealous, and is someone other women want to be around. That didn’t feel like my issue. I love being around women, just more one-on-one rather than in groups. I even have a private Facebook group of over 800 women that I strive to inspire and support. So why was I so nervous?

It’s not like I hadn’t met these women before, but they had established friendships, and I was still figuring things out. Would they welcome me or ice me out? I hate that feeling, especially now in my 50s, living in a small town in a new country. Making friends has never been more challenging. Part of me didn’t care, but the other part did. “What if they think I’m rude for not saying hello?” “They’re probably not even thinking about you.” “Just go say hi!” (Seriously, am I back in high school?)

At that moment, I decided to snap out of it, enjoy myself, and let things happen naturally. I stuck with the guys and laughed. Now and then, one of the women would come over for small talk, not my favorite, but I managed just fine. Eventually, the event started, and I found a table sitting alone until my husband joined me. As I checked my phone, one of the women I’d noticed earlier approached and asked, “Can I sit here?” I said, “Of course,” and we started chatting. Slowly, more people joined the table until we had a lively group. The women I hadn’t approached eventually made their way over, and we ended the night laughing, taking pictures, and even dancing. By the next morning, I had friendly texts from them and plans to meet again. The introvert in me freaked out a little, but I was grateful.

What did I learn? I am a girl’s girl who is an introvert who prefers things to happen naturally. Just because I’m the new girl doesn’t mean I have to force anything. Being a girls’ girl, to me, means letting others be themselves without judgment—and allowing myself to do the same.